HAPPY VLENTINE’S DAY, KITTEN

I guess this one requires a little editorial note. I was just kind of thinking about my gal the other night, and wondering what it would have been like, had we known eachother in high school....

Feb 2, 1991

I talked with her a little today. I normally sit behind the Trombone section in band, but since I’m the only Tuba, I can pick where behind them I sit, so I moved my chair over by her, so we could chat during the breaks in rehearsal. As usual, it was a great idea, carried out like a retard.  I think my favorite part had to be:

Me: So, are you going to the prom yet?

Her: Umm, no, no one asked me yet.

Me:….

Her: So are you asking anyone?

Me: Umm, yeah there’s this girl I was thinking of asking.

Her: Oh. Well, good luck with that.

Me: Umm, yeah, thanks.

Why am I so freaking stupid?

Feb 9, 1991

O.K. so I tried this today. Since I get in to school before the buses, I wandered up to the hallway where her locker is. I know which one it is, I always see her getting her stuff out after school. Anyway, I wrote her a letter.  I tried to make it look special. I edged the paper and the envelope in red, and wrote with a red pen. I didn’t know what to write, but this is what I ended up with:

Hi. You don’t know who I am, But I think you’re very special. I see you all the time in the hall and in classes, and I can’t stop thinking about you. Before I go any further I promise that I’m not some psycho who’s going to boil your pet rabbit or anything. I’m just kind of shy, but I think every beautiful girl should be told that she is beautiful, and she should be told at least once a day how special she is. So I guess this is your one time for today. I wrote something for you:

Can you hear my thoughts?

How they revolve on you?

And can you feel my heart beat

Now that it belongs to you?

Tell me that you see me

Even when no others do.

Let me be yours.

I hope you like it.

Yours for the asking,

Your secret admirer.

I asked her in band how she was doing, and how her day was, but she didn’t say anything. Now she probably thinks that some weirdo is stalking her. And I’m the weirdo. Great. Or else she knows its me, and pretending she never got the letter because its easier than calling me a freak to my face.

Feb 14, 1991

O.K. screw it. I can’t stand this anymore. I really am going to go psycho.  Every time I talk to her, I just want to reach out and touch her hair. And I act like an idiot, just so see her smile. No wonder she only sees me as a friend. She probably thinks I’m the world’s biggest dork! But t is so worth it for her smile. It is so beautiful! And the way she laughs! Loud and free, and infectious! I just want to grab her and kiss her and be loud and free and smiling, and not all backwards around her!

Today I’m going to do it. I’m going to walk up to her and say “Listen. I like you. I think you’re pretty, and nice, and fun to be around, and I would like it if you’ll go to the prom with me.” And if she says yes, maybe we can arrange to go see a movie or something. I see if I can double with Eric and his girlfriend, so it won’t be weird.

And if she says no, I go kill myself.  Or just mope around for a few weeks and go see a movie instead of going to prom. We’ll see which one depending on how horribly she turns me down...